My Name is Katie and I am……

My name is Katie and I am obese and suffer from depression. OUCH! ūüė¶ (I think that gets a double huge sad face!) I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. I¬†don’t have all the answers but I know that a lot¬†of my weight issues stem from more than just¬†eating and not exercising.¬†They¬†come from my emotional health. It amazes me how much of how we react to the world, deal with the world is in fact set in around¬†the lies that we think about ourselves. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

This recent journey started¬†back in December when I had a chance to have gastric bypass. Little did I know what was coming. You see, I had given up, resigned to live life as a single obese woman.¬†I didn’t know how to overcome the weight issues I have. So when given the chance I thought, OK, God has heard and God is moving!! One thing we must ALWAYS remember is that God has HIS own plan and it is never what we expect. I was due to go to Mexico at the end of December for our Big Feed, where we feed and share the Gospel with the poor of Matamoros, Mexico. Then in January¬†I was headed to Nicaragua to¬†our¬†annual Medfest, where¬†doctors and nurses and pharmacy techs give their time to treat the poor¬†and share the Gospel. Because of the surgery, that I was sure was going to change my life, I figured these events were not going to happen for me.

But God had other plans, you see, to get ready for the surgery, I had to only eat yogurt¬†3 times a day for ¬†4 days prior to the surgery. Finally it was scheduled for January 3rd! I was so excited!¬†As the morning of the 3rd came I just knew this was it, God was changing my life!! But the 3rd came and went with no surgery. Then came the next Tuesday, this was definitely the day for the surgery! I was scared and nervous and excited. The big day dawned, full of promise, full of change, and it too came and went. It had been 10 days of only yogurt 3 times a day. And I was devastated to the point one of my friends sat in my¬†bathroom with me as I just bawled my eyes out. ¬†I had faultily put all my hopes and promises on a surgery and a doctor. I did not put my faith and trust and hopes and desires in the one that is TRULY worthy of it. Three days later I found myself on a plane to Nicaragua. MY plans were not GOD’s.

Now months later, after starts and stops on this journey of life, I find myself full of the hope and promise of God! I have drawn nearer to God and I now know that I can lose weight and get a healthy mindset. Not because of me, but because of GOD. HE is made PERFECT in our weakness! I am SO weak!

I want, no, I NEED to share what I’m going through with you. I hope and pray that it will be of help to you. I am many things in this life. I wear many hats, from mom to worshipper, to missionary to janitor. That is what I do. Recently though, I felt like WHO am I in Christ? Who is Katie? Who has she become when she is no longer a woman of the world? This is gonna hurt. Because this blog is not about sugar coating and holding back. No, it’s about letting go and being open. Something that is truly hard for me. I like to be closed off from everyone, not letting a soul in. But that is not what God wants. So here it goes. All of me and this journey.

So in that it started. A journey. Of struggles, pain, and overcoming. Of Failing. Of Success. Sometimes I let myself down and sometimes I let others down. This is not just a journey to lose weight and get in shape. It’s my DESIRE to become better, to love Jesus and others more, to let God have His way in me. And to share Jesus, ALWAYS, through my words, actions, and love. Because all I truly want in this world, is to be the woman that God created me to be.

And what’s more? I’ve lost 24 pounds. It’s just a start. But it’s a good one!

I invite you to come with me on this journey. Come find out what He wants from us.

 

Hi, my name is Katie and I am a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made.

May God Bless You

‚̧

Katie

 

 

The Hardest Post I’ve Written. Ever.

For the past week or so, every single time I get into my truck to go somewhere, I hear the exact same song on the radio. I kid you not. I leave at different times on different days, yet every time, Losing by Tenth Avenue North is playing on the radio.

Some of you might take that not to mean anything, I however, have figured out that God is trying to speak to me. And He is speaking loudly about the hardest thing that I have found to do in my christian walk. Forgiveness. It’s that thing that you give to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Who hurt you or someone you love, who embedded hurt so far down inside that you don’t even know that you need to forgive.

I find it so much easier to forgive a stranger than someone who means so much to me. Someone who means much, can inflict so much wreckage in our lives and yet God says, Forgive.

I thought for years now, that I had forgiven and forgotten about some past hurts. But this month, God has shown me that in my humanity, I simply pushed those hurts, the pain, the words spoken to me out of malice, down farther and farther and now, they have made their way to the surface refusing to go away without being taken care of.

I realized that there are some people in my life that I hadn’t forgiven because the hurt that was inflicted was deeper than I ever understood before. It was a hurt that shaped my life in my early years, that made me question who I was and whether anyone would ever love me, or would even see that I exist. It’s a pain that I have carried around, a feeling of righteous abandonment, that I felt I didn’t have to forgive. And my denial only increased as the years have passed. I am 34 years old and I still have malicious words running through my head from years ago¬†that I have never forgotten nor have I forgiven.

And now as I grow in my spiritual walk, all I want is to be free of this pain, free of these thoughts, words, and actions that shaped wrong thoughts of myself. I want to be free to love again. Free to live in God’s love and free to live the life that God has always had for me. Not long ago I prayed that God would open the rusty doors to all the rooms in my heart, and He has answered, opening all the doors that I was trying to hold closed, but that’s not where I want to be. I pray that God will help me to forgive those people that have hurt me and that I and they will be released, I mean, forgiveness is not supposed to be easy. Think about what Jesus had to do for our forgiveness, He had to DIE. He had to bleed. He had to suffer. But JOY came in the morning, the morning, that He rose again from the dead.

My friend, Cari, told me once, that sometimes you just have to write a letter about how you feel about something someone has done to you, so here’s mine to all the unforgiven in my life.

To the Unforgiven:

I want to forgive you. So this is what I pray:

Lord,

Please help me to forgive them. They know not what they do. They do not know that they have caused me such pain. I no longer want to live in unforgiveness. I’m ready to let go of the pain, the hurt, and all the words that are running around in my brain. I pray Father, for Your Holy Spirit to rise up in me, to clear my heart of all the bitterness that I have harbored against these people. I pray blessings upon each and everyone of them, that You will bless them abundantly. Father I pray for Your peace that passes all understanding on myself and on the people that I have felt wronged by.

In JESUS HOLY NAME, AMEN.

The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness, But I would start here: Matthew 6:9-13. It’s Jesus’ own prayer. Do you have someone that you need to forgive? I pray that you will and that God will give you the strength to do so.

 

Be Blessed.

Katie